Today I heard the most inspiring story.
There is a man here in Pune who grew up in a slum. Somehow, his parents managed to send him to an "English-medium" school ( meaning classes are taught in English). As he got older, every day when he came home from school there would be a line of slum-dwellers waiting for him with things they needed his help to read. At the age of 16, he decided he needed to do something to help the people of his slum. So he started a school. It began with just a few kids meeting on the floor of his shanty. 30 years later, he is the principal of a school for all of the slum children. Just a few years ago, they finally had enough money to build an actual structure for the school. Teachers who could earn more money at other schools stay because they adore the man they work for. Children who would never have the opportunity for formal education are getting the chance to change their future. It's enough to bring tears to my eyes. And make me instantly want to visit.
I learned about this man and his school through a friend of my mother-in-law. This auntie is an incredible woman. She oozes peace and kindness. She and her husband are very well off (her house is incredible even by American standards...I could happily live in just her foyer), and she devotes a good deal of time and resources to helping those less fortunate. (This is the same woman who housed many warkaris, the pilgrims, when the palkhi came through this weekend.) She is incredibly easy to talk to, and she seemed to take a liking to me as well, seeing things in me that no one has ever noticed before. I could probably spend every day with her and be happy as a clam.
But for every good experience, there seems to be a bad experience as well. Meeting this woman introduced some very bad aspects of my mother-in-law (ok I've suspected, or in some cases known, they were there, but don't need it flaunted in front of me).
For starters, I had been told that this auntie "runs a school in the village." The school is in a slum, not a village (those are very different things), and she does not "run the school," she makes monetary donations and sometimes visits. After learning the actual origin of the school, I questioned my mother-in-law on why she said Auntie operates the school, and she responded with "she gives money, without her the school could not be." Oh really? Because it was up and running for 29 years before she learned of it and became involved. But obviously, the work of a slum boy is not worthy, it must be because of the involvement of a member of the higher class.
As I mentioned yesterday, this auntie was giving a lecture on the palkhi that I'd been invited to. It turned out that my mother-in-law didn't want to go, but even in letting me know that we weren't going she had to make it sound like it was because of me. "If you are tired, you should not go." Today, when Auntie mentioned my lack of presence at the lecture, Mama jumped in to say she had wanted to go, but it was not possible because I went out with friends. Plans I had made after Mama canceled going to the lecture. Annoyed with the blame game and unable to hold my tongue, I said that Mama and Papa had another meeting they had to attend instead. At which point Mama said she had offered to drop me off at the lecture (this was news to me!) but it, again, "was not possible." Whatever, she's a brat, I let it go.
Auntie and I discussed my background and what it is I want to do while I'm here. When I expressed my view that you can do more for yourself and your family, and better, if you also do things for others, Auntie broadcast her approval and said such kind things about me and my outlook. My mother-in-law immediately claimed credit for my opinions, saying these are things she has taught me. My mother-in-law has made it very clearly known that she believes you should do everything for your family, and then, maybe, if you have enough time and energy left over, you should do things for your "own kind". So how exactly did she instill in me a desire to help those less fortunate?
This, to me, was more than just an annoyance, it was a personal affront. I made a point of telling Auntie that my parents raised me to be this way, sending us each summer on mission trips with our church to help the poor in our community, never throwing away that which could be donated to someone in need, and on and on. Not that I thought her foolish enough to believe that, having met my mother-in-law three times, she had fully molded me into the person I am. But I needed to push back. This was not something that I could let just roll off me and chalk it up to cultural differences. I'm fairly certain something like that makes you a b**** in any culture.
My mother-in-law continued to pretend that her views and opinions are right in line with those that Auntie and I shared. And I continued to disregard her statements and make it clear in every way I could that who I am and what I think has everything to do with how my parents raised me and my life experiences and my innate personality and being, and has nothing to do with my mother-in-law.
Auntie and I continued to bond over our desires to help others, the reasons behind them, and many other things. She agreed with my statement that those who have been fortunate in life are obligated to help those who are not, and that "helping" those who have all the things you do is wasteful at best. (So take that mother-in-law-who-only-wants-to-help-people-just-like-her.) She agreed that no matter how busy you are, you should always make time to help others. (In direct contrast to Mama who believes others should only get your leftovers.) She agreed that taking care of the home and children is all well and good, but everyone should also have some other work even if they don't need the money. (My mother-in-law had just spent the car ride there explaining how village life is the best life because it is so simple and all you do is care for your home and children...just thinking about a life like that makes me want to shoot myself.) My favorite moment came when Auntie mourned the fact that Indian parents treat their children like babies even well after their grown, and proceeded to sing the praises of the more American style of child-rearing that results in competent and independent individuals. (In your face! Finally some vindication that the child-rearing tactics I'm constantly lectured on here blow. Hard.)
The final nail in the coffin of any favorable opinion I may have had of my mother-in-law came on the car ride home. Or I should say nails. First she talked about how she always maintains her relationships (upon entering Auntie's house she commented on the redecorating...that was done 10 years ago) and never allows any bad blood with anyone (except her daughter-in-law...). Then she said you should always have good relationships with many people, but never get in deep. Get in deep? Never get too close, she explained. Ah, so the secret to a good life is to have no real friends. Got it. I think Ted Bundy adhered to the same philosophy.
But the kicker was when she gave her shpeal about how, before I even came, she had told my hubby that she should introduce me to this particular auntie. A few days ago, when I was kvetching to hubby about my difficulties finding work to do here, he began brainstorming with me and remembered this auntie who was always involved in a lot of things, and maybe she could help find something for me. The next morning, he called his mother and mentioned it to her. She then called this auntie to find out what the heck she's up to these days. And there this meeting was born.
Now, my husband has been known to play ideas off as his own. But not in such a blatant way. Usually it's something as simple as "hey why don't we go do such and such this weekend", and, with a little questioning, it's revealed that the creative idea came from a coworker who had just done whatever the weekend before and highly recommended it. Never would he lay claim to something he had nothing to do with and then sing his own praises about what a great idea it was. If he ever did that, I would have to smack him. Much like I feel like doing to my mother-in-law right now.
Venting and complaining aside (I apologize but really had to get that out before I can play nice with her again), this is really just an example of a much bigger problem. For every truly great thing someone does, there will always be someone else to come along and ruin it. Some people literally ruin it by changing it into something else entirely, or at the very least changing it just enough to rid it of all its original good effects (the IMF comes to mind...). Some people just rain on the parade and make it hard for anyone else to learn of the good being done (and by extension, hard for anyone else to contribute to the good being done). Some people try to steal the thunder from those who actually do the work. However they go about it, someone will always be there to ruin a good thing.
Work like this is difficult enough. I don't know a single development student who hasn't at some time or another become completely discouraged by the scale of the problem and how ingrained harmful actions can be in a society. Development students start out like President Obama: they're full of good ideas and desire to make real, meaningful change. Then they get into it and see, just like Obama did, that the decks are stacked so far against them, there are more obstacles to change than they can count, and there will always be someone whose job it is to ensure change does not happen. Discouragement sets in and they start to wonder "what was I thinking getting into this? The problem is so big and I'm just one person, there's no way I can make a difference." Add in those people who find infinite ways to belittle or discourage the good works that actually are being done, and it seems like an insurmountable problem.
To find these inspirational stories, and to continue to be inspired by them even in the midst of all the negativity, so that you can go on to create your own inspirational story, is a truly enormous challenge. But it can be done. A little boy in the slums can find a way out, and he can go on to show others the way. Faced with much fewer challenges than this boy, what can you do?
There is a man here in Pune who grew up in a slum. Somehow, his parents managed to send him to an "English-medium" school ( meaning classes are taught in English). As he got older, every day when he came home from school there would be a line of slum-dwellers waiting for him with things they needed his help to read. At the age of 16, he decided he needed to do something to help the people of his slum. So he started a school. It began with just a few kids meeting on the floor of his shanty. 30 years later, he is the principal of a school for all of the slum children. Just a few years ago, they finally had enough money to build an actual structure for the school. Teachers who could earn more money at other schools stay because they adore the man they work for. Children who would never have the opportunity for formal education are getting the chance to change their future. It's enough to bring tears to my eyes. And make me instantly want to visit.
I learned about this man and his school through a friend of my mother-in-law. This auntie is an incredible woman. She oozes peace and kindness. She and her husband are very well off (her house is incredible even by American standards...I could happily live in just her foyer), and she devotes a good deal of time and resources to helping those less fortunate. (This is the same woman who housed many warkaris, the pilgrims, when the palkhi came through this weekend.) She is incredibly easy to talk to, and she seemed to take a liking to me as well, seeing things in me that no one has ever noticed before. I could probably spend every day with her and be happy as a clam.
But for every good experience, there seems to be a bad experience as well. Meeting this woman introduced some very bad aspects of my mother-in-law (ok I've suspected, or in some cases known, they were there, but don't need it flaunted in front of me).
For starters, I had been told that this auntie "runs a school in the village." The school is in a slum, not a village (those are very different things), and she does not "run the school," she makes monetary donations and sometimes visits. After learning the actual origin of the school, I questioned my mother-in-law on why she said Auntie operates the school, and she responded with "she gives money, without her the school could not be." Oh really? Because it was up and running for 29 years before she learned of it and became involved. But obviously, the work of a slum boy is not worthy, it must be because of the involvement of a member of the higher class.
As I mentioned yesterday, this auntie was giving a lecture on the palkhi that I'd been invited to. It turned out that my mother-in-law didn't want to go, but even in letting me know that we weren't going she had to make it sound like it was because of me. "If you are tired, you should not go." Today, when Auntie mentioned my lack of presence at the lecture, Mama jumped in to say she had wanted to go, but it was not possible because I went out with friends. Plans I had made after Mama canceled going to the lecture. Annoyed with the blame game and unable to hold my tongue, I said that Mama and Papa had another meeting they had to attend instead. At which point Mama said she had offered to drop me off at the lecture (this was news to me!) but it, again, "was not possible." Whatever, she's a brat, I let it go.
Auntie and I discussed my background and what it is I want to do while I'm here. When I expressed my view that you can do more for yourself and your family, and better, if you also do things for others, Auntie broadcast her approval and said such kind things about me and my outlook. My mother-in-law immediately claimed credit for my opinions, saying these are things she has taught me. My mother-in-law has made it very clearly known that she believes you should do everything for your family, and then, maybe, if you have enough time and energy left over, you should do things for your "own kind". So how exactly did she instill in me a desire to help those less fortunate?
This, to me, was more than just an annoyance, it was a personal affront. I made a point of telling Auntie that my parents raised me to be this way, sending us each summer on mission trips with our church to help the poor in our community, never throwing away that which could be donated to someone in need, and on and on. Not that I thought her foolish enough to believe that, having met my mother-in-law three times, she had fully molded me into the person I am. But I needed to push back. This was not something that I could let just roll off me and chalk it up to cultural differences. I'm fairly certain something like that makes you a b**** in any culture.
My mother-in-law continued to pretend that her views and opinions are right in line with those that Auntie and I shared. And I continued to disregard her statements and make it clear in every way I could that who I am and what I think has everything to do with how my parents raised me and my life experiences and my innate personality and being, and has nothing to do with my mother-in-law.
Auntie and I continued to bond over our desires to help others, the reasons behind them, and many other things. She agreed with my statement that those who have been fortunate in life are obligated to help those who are not, and that "helping" those who have all the things you do is wasteful at best. (So take that mother-in-law-who-only-wants-to-help-people-just-like-her.) She agreed that no matter how busy you are, you should always make time to help others. (In direct contrast to Mama who believes others should only get your leftovers.) She agreed that taking care of the home and children is all well and good, but everyone should also have some other work even if they don't need the money. (My mother-in-law had just spent the car ride there explaining how village life is the best life because it is so simple and all you do is care for your home and children...just thinking about a life like that makes me want to shoot myself.) My favorite moment came when Auntie mourned the fact that Indian parents treat their children like babies even well after their grown, and proceeded to sing the praises of the more American style of child-rearing that results in competent and independent individuals. (In your face! Finally some vindication that the child-rearing tactics I'm constantly lectured on here blow. Hard.)
The final nail in the coffin of any favorable opinion I may have had of my mother-in-law came on the car ride home. Or I should say nails. First she talked about how she always maintains her relationships (upon entering Auntie's house she commented on the redecorating...that was done 10 years ago) and never allows any bad blood with anyone (except her daughter-in-law...). Then she said you should always have good relationships with many people, but never get in deep. Get in deep? Never get too close, she explained. Ah, so the secret to a good life is to have no real friends. Got it. I think Ted Bundy adhered to the same philosophy.
But the kicker was when she gave her shpeal about how, before I even came, she had told my hubby that she should introduce me to this particular auntie. A few days ago, when I was kvetching to hubby about my difficulties finding work to do here, he began brainstorming with me and remembered this auntie who was always involved in a lot of things, and maybe she could help find something for me. The next morning, he called his mother and mentioned it to her. She then called this auntie to find out what the heck she's up to these days. And there this meeting was born.
Now, my husband has been known to play ideas off as his own. But not in such a blatant way. Usually it's something as simple as "hey why don't we go do such and such this weekend", and, with a little questioning, it's revealed that the creative idea came from a coworker who had just done whatever the weekend before and highly recommended it. Never would he lay claim to something he had nothing to do with and then sing his own praises about what a great idea it was. If he ever did that, I would have to smack him. Much like I feel like doing to my mother-in-law right now.
Venting and complaining aside (I apologize but really had to get that out before I can play nice with her again), this is really just an example of a much bigger problem. For every truly great thing someone does, there will always be someone else to come along and ruin it. Some people literally ruin it by changing it into something else entirely, or at the very least changing it just enough to rid it of all its original good effects (the IMF comes to mind...). Some people just rain on the parade and make it hard for anyone else to learn of the good being done (and by extension, hard for anyone else to contribute to the good being done). Some people try to steal the thunder from those who actually do the work. However they go about it, someone will always be there to ruin a good thing.
Work like this is difficult enough. I don't know a single development student who hasn't at some time or another become completely discouraged by the scale of the problem and how ingrained harmful actions can be in a society. Development students start out like President Obama: they're full of good ideas and desire to make real, meaningful change. Then they get into it and see, just like Obama did, that the decks are stacked so far against them, there are more obstacles to change than they can count, and there will always be someone whose job it is to ensure change does not happen. Discouragement sets in and they start to wonder "what was I thinking getting into this? The problem is so big and I'm just one person, there's no way I can make a difference." Add in those people who find infinite ways to belittle or discourage the good works that actually are being done, and it seems like an insurmountable problem.
To find these inspirational stories, and to continue to be inspired by them even in the midst of all the negativity, so that you can go on to create your own inspirational story, is a truly enormous challenge. But it can be done. A little boy in the slums can find a way out, and he can go on to show others the way. Faced with much fewer challenges than this boy, what can you do?
WOW. Definitely the best spent hour this day. I am so thankful that you shared with us something so personal. You are definitely an inspiration for us all! view more
ReplyDeletethanks & keep sharing
Kaolin