My Big Fat Indian Wedding Part 2 (and 3)

Hubby's best friend (finally!) got married on Saturday. We were unable to be there (it was short notice and tickets to India are hella expensive), but she promised photos and details.

I'm still waiting for the details, but man did she deliver on the photos! They greeted me this morning in my Facebook newsfeed (hey FB you finally served a purpose! good job!).

While I'm seriously enjoying the photos and the promptness with which they were sent, it's left me feeling quite guilty about my failure to ever share photos of my own Indian wedding with you. She managed it in 3 days, it's taken me nearly 3 years...same same.

And so I have finally dug up the insane number of photo cds provided to us by the "professional" photographer (I use that term lightly). Selecting and uploading photos was no small feat, as there are literally thousands of photos. And my computer sounded like the cd drive might just explode right off it at any moment. The cat was terrified.

Now, the thing about our wedding is that I had no idea at any point what was going on. Hubby didn't know the meaning behind any of it either, and his attempt to translate everything the priest said lasted about 30 seconds before we both agreed it would take all day. We never got back to that discussion.

So I can tell you (vaguely) what happened, but not what any of it means. I've tried looking it up online, which only taught me that what I was told was a traditional Gujarati ceremony(ies?) was not according to the letter of the internet law. So there are pieces I can explain and pieces I can't. So much for your education.

(By the way, if anyone actually does know what these things properly mean, please share in the comments. I for one would love to know.
The day began bright bright bright bright early, as my ladies in waiting descended upon my mother's hotel room to get me ready for the big day.

In the meantime, hubby's family was already at the wedding site, engaging in some sort of preceremony ceremony. This is one of those parts that I have no idea about. All I know is there was a breakfast buffet that my brother-in-law raided and brought to our hotel room. Because he's awesome.

Hubby, family and pundits sitting beneath the 'mandap,' the stage where the ceremony takes place.

I love this photo for the facial expressions. I don't know what's happening with the coconut.

One part I did know to expect (thank you, cinema!) was what is apparently known as 'pithi.' The bride and groom (separately, in their own houses) are have their skin covered in turmeric paste to give it a healthy glow and look more fair.

They are just having too much fun with this. Love it.

Thankfully, since my side of the party consisted solely of me, my mother and my two sisters, we didn't have to do any of these traditional ceremonies that we were supposed to be doing on our own.

This didn't stop hubby's aunts from spreading the fun though!

After these ceremonies, hubby's family all trouped back to their house...to take showers and begin getting ready for the wedding. My family and I already looked like this:

That's my sister, already draped in her sari, and me heavily made up and decorated. I don't know why I'm looking at her like that but I love this pic.

And the sari draping begins!

Check out that gear! These days I can wrap a sari myself (shameless bragging), but THIS. This was the very first time I'd ever worn a sari. Or even seen one wrapped. Wearing a sari is awkward enough even with practice, but the very first time? With easily 50 pounds of bling embroidery? It's a wonder I was able to stand, and I was most definitely not able to keep it all in place properly. 

Once everyone was ready for the wedding, the professional photo shoot began.

Check OUT those turbans

Dadaji, the coolest man ever, even while sporting a million yards of cloth on his head

The bro-in-law

Spreading the embarrassing photo pose love. Because no one should be subjected to it alone.

Then it was time for the procession (actually my pro photos were much later, after all the fun stuff happened, but you get the drift).

Traditionally, the groom's family processes from their house to the bride's house, accompanied by a lively band. In this case, the processed up the hill to the hotel. They love them some dancing, so it took about an hour I think. 

While I, of course, was not allowed to participate (huge huge bummer), I was allowed to watch from a car parked on the side of the street. It looked like loads of fun.

We actually went to a friend's wedding in Delhi the week after this, and I was insanely excited to get to dance in the procession this time. Alas, his family is not nearly as much fun and there were about three people dancing. Let. Down.

My knight in shining (embroidered) armor on his white steed

Let the party begin!

The man of the hour

My mom (doesn't she look awesome in this sari!?) welcomed hubby to the wedding site and did some sort of traditional nonsense as she was instructed. This photo is awesome because she had just grabbed him by the nose. Go Mom!

This one is also awesome, because she's leading him by a string around his neck, like a leash. Again, go Mom.

Because the ceremony was so insanely late starting, lunch had been laid out and all of the guests were eating. They all paused to welcome the insanity that was the procession, but when I entered...not so much. Sure, none of them knew me, but you would still expect us to draw a little attention on skin color alone.

Cutting a look to the guy eating lunch in the middle of my red carpet walkway. Sometimes my sisters and I actually do look alike...

Once I entered the mandap, hubby and I placed garlands of flowers around each other's neck. Hubby's friends and family picked him up to make it difficult for me to reach (I think that's normal and not an attempt to prevent the wedding...it's in a movie). Jumping in a heavy sari is no easy task, but you better believe I did it!

There was lots of stuff put in our hands and poured over our hands. I don't know why.

At some point a scarf was put around hubby's neck and tied to the hem of my sari. I don't know where that photo went but damned if I'm uploading any more. It apparently symbolizes the joining together of the bride and groom. A symbolic ball and chain, if you will.

Adding lots of random (to me) things to the sacred fire. Part of all Hindu wedding ceremonies as far as I can tell, but all the explanation I can find is that it's to evoke the God of Fire to witness the ceremony.

Adding more fuel to the fire because it isn't hot enough in India in the middle of the day with a giant heat lamp shining on you the whole time.

A quick search of Google will tell you the bride and groom circle the holy fire seven times, each representing a different aspect and promise of marriage.

Apparently Gujaratis cheat.

In a Gujarati ceremony, the couple only makes four circles. 

The internet tells me they represent "kama" (sensual pleasure), "artha" (worldly gain), "dharma" (virtue, righteousness, duty, cosmic order, etc. depending on where you look) and "mosksha" (freedom from reincarnation).

They were explained to me as having to do with bringin' home the bacon, maintaining the household, raising good children and...something else I believe religion related.

A lot gets lost in translation.

Even more gets lost when the person doing the translating doesn't know any more than you do.

In India (or the part of it that contains my mother-in-law) there are several signs of marriage a woman wears. A necklace made of gold and black beads, called a mangalsutra. A gold bangle on each wrist. And a stripe of red powder (that I don't know what is) down the center part of her hair.

There are probably more, but these are the ones I've been told about. It's a piecemeal education.

The super sexy stripe

The mangalsutra

The ring, for shits and giggles

There is always food involved in everything. And it almost always involves feeding it to someone else and them in turn feeding it to you. (You should see birthdays. It's a hot mess.)

This red cloth is another thing I know nothing about. All I know is that between the heaviness of the sari and the garland keeping it smushed against the back of my neck, the last thing I wanted in all that heat was a blanket. Luckily it didn't have to stay on long. It vanished just as quickly as it had appeared, and I've never seen it again.

After the ceremony, we got into a car that was then for some reason driven over a coconut to much celebration.

Then we went to hubby's family house, where there was more to do before I could enter. There was the dabbing of various powders onto the forehead that seems to go with pretty much every activity.

And then I got to kick the rice. A cup of rice was put on the floor in front of me, and hubby said I had to kick it over and be sure to get all the rice out. I kicked that sucker clear across the room.

The internet tells me the bride represents Laxmi, the goddess of wealth and prosperity, and spilling the rice represents the bride bringing that wealth into the household (in the form of good luck, I guess, since traditionally the women don't work outside of the home).

Then I stepped into a pan of red liquid and tracked footprints across the floor. No idea on that one.

After that I was immediately whisked up stairs so that an army of cousins could get me out of all my gorgeousness. And after I laid down the law that the beautician ladies would do the family first so I could take a shower, I was promptly done up all over again for the reception.

Like a lot of weddings in the U.S., the reception involved a receiving line. Unlike most weddings in the U.S., there were 700 people to greet. While standing on a stage. Need I say more?

The reception venue

I totally want this for my living room...

My ears still hurt looking at those earrings!

For each group of ten or so people that crossed the stage to greet us, we paused for a photo. I'll just give you one example, because why would you need to see nearly 100 photos of people you don't know? I certainly don't.

This was how the reception progressed. There were no ceremonies, no little cultural eccentricities. It was comparatively a simple night (if you don't count having to greet 700 wedding guests).

Afterwards we were even allowed to eat! And talk to hubby's friends! And then I was deposited back in my mother's hotel room to await the next morning's final ceremony.

The next morning I was again wrapped up in a sari and transported to hubby's house.

There were a good 50 or so people milling about, but at least most of them seemed to be preparing food!

We settled down onto the floor (a surface I have since become much more comfortable sitting on but at the time it was a literal pain) for a pooja.

A pooja is a religious ceremony that serves pretty much any purpose you can think of. There's the waving around of a little ball of cotton dipped in ghee (clarified butter) and lit on fire. There's the smudging of the variety of powders on everyone's forehead. Those things never change. What changes is who you're worshiping or invoking or whatever.

For instance on the holiday of Divali, the pooja is in honor of Laxmi, the aforementioned goddess of wealth and prosperity.

In the case of the morning after a wedding...I got nothing.

By the time we got around to the pooja, hubby was really annoyed with the pundit. I couldn't understand a word, but I'm told he repeated the same things over and over and over again seemingly just to draw out the length of the ceremony (and I assume increase his payday).

Not many of the people at the house actually attended the pooja.

Like I said, most of them seemed to be involved with preparing the food, and that was a-ok with me.

My sister snapped this pic to show the mass boredom caused by the pooja. That would be my other sister, my bro-in-law behind her, and that would be my mother-in-law there in the center looking the most bored of anyone. Irony.

And I'd be remiss if I didn't show you my sari. Btw, wrapping it towards the front instead of towards the back like in movies is the Gujarati style. It's also the style in a lot of other states, but only one applies to me.

Once all of this was done, and we went around touching the feet (a sign of respect) of every single relative in the place, people packed up and went home. The relatives returned to their homes, my family and my brother-in-law headed back to the U.S., and I went to sleep for two days until it was time for our trip to Delhi.

So there you have it! My big fat Indian wedding in its entirety. Is it everything you hoped?

(Sidenote: I have no idea what's going on with the formatting of these photos. I can't do anything about it. I'm technologically challenged.)