I know, I know, I haven't finished telling you about my latest trip. But I think this topic requires a little timeout from all the frivolous travel talk.
I came across two incredibly disturbing articles in the news on the same day.
The first announces the murder conviction of an Afghan family in Canada. The man, his wife, and their son were convicted in the murder of three teenage sisters because "they dishonored the family by defying its disciplinarian rules on dress, dating, socializing and going online." They were also convicted in the murder of the man's childless first wife in a polygamous marriage.
The second detailed the murder of a woman in Afghanistan, at the hands of her husband and mother-in-law, because she had given birth to a third daughter instead of a son.
Reading these stories reminded me of an article from a 2008 issue of Washington City Paper. The article details the murder of a young Afghan-American girl by the recent Afghan immigrant she had been dating. Dating is not acceptable in the Afghan community, and when she tried to end the controlling relationship this is how the rejected man responded. The article goes on to discuss the difficulties first-generation Americans face in attempting to meld their two cultures.
(Full disclosure: I once dated the brother-in-law of this woman. His attitude towards me was eerily similar to what is described in this article. I finally succeeded in ending it for good not long before this occurred. To say it was not my finest hour would be a serious understatement. To say it was the lowest point of my life would be much more accurate.)
Though these articles all happen to involve the Afghan community, that is mere coincidence.
In NO way is this relegated to Afghans. Let me be clear on that point.
During my two month stay in India last year, there was at least one newspaper article per week about an "honor killing" taking place, for reasons such as a woman's rape (yes, it was the woman who was blamed and killed) to not producing a son (again, blamed on the woman despite all that scientific proof that sex is determined by the man).
Aborting female fetuses is apparently so common that it is now illegal (at least in my in-laws' state) for a clinic to perform an ultrasound once the sex of the fetus can be determined. When I required an ultrasound, I was asked no fewer than seven times by three different people whether I could possibly be pregnant. When I answered "no" each time, I was then asked to sign a form to that effect before they could perform the ultrasound.
Dating is becoming more common, but is still not widely accepted. My husband and I had been dating for more than a year before he told his parents about me, and it definitely took them some time to come around to the idea (I'm still not entirely sure they have...).
I just finished reading Shobhan Bantwal's novel The Dowry Bride, about a young Indian wife who runs away after discovering her husband's and mother-in-law's plan to kill her. A plan hatched because, after a year of marriage, her family had still not paid the dowry and she had not yet become pregnant.
Families are constantly immigrating to the U.S. (and other western countries), and there are more and more first-generation Americans struggling to balance the expectations of their parents with the demands of their "new" culture.
So my question is this: is it possible to balance conservative beliefs and modern society? Preserve a culture yet break down outdated conventions? And not only in the western world, but also in conservative countries.
Thoughts? Discuss in the comments.
I came across two incredibly disturbing articles in the news on the same day.
The first announces the murder conviction of an Afghan family in Canada. The man, his wife, and their son were convicted in the murder of three teenage sisters because "they dishonored the family by defying its disciplinarian rules on dress, dating, socializing and going online." They were also convicted in the murder of the man's childless first wife in a polygamous marriage.
The second detailed the murder of a woman in Afghanistan, at the hands of her husband and mother-in-law, because she had given birth to a third daughter instead of a son.
Reading these stories reminded me of an article from a 2008 issue of Washington City Paper. The article details the murder of a young Afghan-American girl by the recent Afghan immigrant she had been dating. Dating is not acceptable in the Afghan community, and when she tried to end the controlling relationship this is how the rejected man responded. The article goes on to discuss the difficulties first-generation Americans face in attempting to meld their two cultures.
(Full disclosure: I once dated the brother-in-law of this woman. His attitude towards me was eerily similar to what is described in this article. I finally succeeded in ending it for good not long before this occurred. To say it was not my finest hour would be a serious understatement. To say it was the lowest point of my life would be much more accurate.)
Though these articles all happen to involve the Afghan community, that is mere coincidence.
In NO way is this relegated to Afghans. Let me be clear on that point.
During my two month stay in India last year, there was at least one newspaper article per week about an "honor killing" taking place, for reasons such as a woman's rape (yes, it was the woman who was blamed and killed) to not producing a son (again, blamed on the woman despite all that scientific proof that sex is determined by the man).
Aborting female fetuses is apparently so common that it is now illegal (at least in my in-laws' state) for a clinic to perform an ultrasound once the sex of the fetus can be determined. When I required an ultrasound, I was asked no fewer than seven times by three different people whether I could possibly be pregnant. When I answered "no" each time, I was then asked to sign a form to that effect before they could perform the ultrasound.
Dating is becoming more common, but is still not widely accepted. My husband and I had been dating for more than a year before he told his parents about me, and it definitely took them some time to come around to the idea (I'm still not entirely sure they have...).
I just finished reading Shobhan Bantwal's novel The Dowry Bride, about a young Indian wife who runs away after discovering her husband's and mother-in-law's plan to kill her. A plan hatched because, after a year of marriage, her family had still not paid the dowry and she had not yet become pregnant.
Families are constantly immigrating to the U.S. (and other western countries), and there are more and more first-generation Americans struggling to balance the expectations of their parents with the demands of their "new" culture.
So my question is this: is it possible to balance conservative beliefs and modern society? Preserve a culture yet break down outdated conventions? And not only in the western world, but also in conservative countries.
Thoughts? Discuss in the comments.
While they are few, there are families in this country that are not first-generation that have to toe that line--Duggars, anyone? True, I'm pretty sure that Jim Bob wouldn't be honor killing nobody at his house (although even if that were the case, his fertile myrtle wife has nothing to worry about!) it still must be difficult for them to avoid premarital sex, homosexuality, immodest dress, etc. since those things are so commonplace nowadays.
ReplyDeleteI would also hope that any family that is forward-thinking enough, who is brave enough, who is seeking prosperity enough to pick up from everything they've ever known and come to AMERICA--I mean, it just seems a little strange that they would choose to move here, but then have trouble accepting our culture. I mean, it's not like we don't list that stuff on page 1 of the brochure! Madonna, Girls Gone Wild, The Hangover, The Bachelor tv show...all made in the USA!
Do you remember the Christian Afghan man that was to be killed because he turned his back on Islam? Fortunately, the US intervened and saved him. However, I don't know what has happened to him since then. Do you?
ReplyDeleteI am not sure I would even call these (countries?) conservative - they are overboard. I told you about the books I read about the royal princess in Saudi Arabia and the woman in Iraq. It was not Mohammed that said do these things. It was old traditions from small villages that somehow were brought into the "main community." They punish people for all kinds of things and force early marriages to old men, etc. Women have no freedoms despite the fact that Mohammed was more of an "equal rights" type person.
The ones who come to the US and bring these "small village" customs with them should have stayed in their own country because they would be treated well there. I don't know what the answer is. If they come here for freedom then the whole family should be free.
Aren't you glad that Christians do not kill those who leave the faith or drop out temporarily?
Love you.