Friday, July 15, 2011

How to host a party that's not your own: an introduction to the role of an Indian daughter-in-law

When I returned from Mumbai, I asked the in-laws what we had planned for the week, so I could schedule anything I managed to do accordingly. They told me a bunch of their friends were coming over on Thursday night.

Something different happening? Excellent!

And then I realized, I have to hang out with all my in-laws' friends for hours with no one speaking English...but we're hosting so I don't even get to eat someone else's cooking? That kinda blows.

And then I realized, we're hosting. I'm an Indian daughter-in-law.

Oh shit.

I am hosting a party.

Sure enough, before the guests arrived, mother-in-law and I went step by step through where to keep the water glasses, how to refill the water glasses, how to keep washing the glasses as they get used because we don't have enough, where to put each food item, how and when to refill the serving dishes, on and on and on.

And then the guests began arriving.

And I was in charge of a kitchen that is not my own. And that she has gone out of her way to keep me from learning my way around. I was a fish out of water.

Periodically throughout the night, my mother-in-law would tell me to leave whatever it was I was doing and enjoy myself. But I know enough now to know that she was just saying it for appearances. So I continued running around refilling drinks, scooping up empty glasses and washing them, refilling snack bowls, refilling serving dishes, cleaning up any messes, etc.

One man seemed impressed with all that I was doing, and told me so several times. I didn't let myself take offence to his statement that he'd never seen a foreigner who could do all these things. Though I inside I was thinking "really? you've never seen a foreigner serve a drink? you don't get out much do you?" And when he told my mother-in-law, in front of me, that I am kind and taking such care of everyone, I acted humble and embarrassed at the praise the way I was taught to.

Then my mother-in-law responded, and I quote, "she is a very sweet girl thanks to my son."

I felt my eyes cut to her in a look of disbelief...I couldn't seem to stop them.

I thought the man was going to save me when he cut in with "no, she is sweet thanks to..." I expected...well I expected him to complete that statement with something that actually had some bearing on my personality. But no. He said "she is sweet thanks to you also," directed at my mother-in-law. And then they hugged and laughed. And then I turned my back.

I'm telling myself that they don't actually understand what that expression means. But I know they do. And I know they meant it. Because I've learned nothing if not that people here (at least within my family and their circle) are completely irrational.

The night managed to go off without a hitch. Most of the time was spent sitting around singing, because these people love to sing. My mother-in-law did not even stop to eat dinner until after everyone left at 1:30 in the morning!

When alcohol appeared, I thought I was saved. Everything is more tolerable with alcohol in you right? The only party I've ever hosted I was completely drunk the entire time and it was a fantastic party. For me, anyway... But no, I could not drink and mingle and live up to my dear mother-in-law's expectations. So that was out.

I must have done something right, though, because today, with no one else around to witness so it couldn't have been just for appearances, my mother-in-law thanked me and told me I did a good job. And she sounded sincere! Either she's getting better at bullshitting me or we actually had a nice moment. I guess only time will tell.

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